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Considered a Blessing

"Old age is no place for sissies."

Bette Davis

CynicalSenior.com

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Lowering the Bar for Life's Expectations

Twisted Humor for

Aging Baby Boomers

• Write Your Enhanced Obituary Now
  

• Senior Fatique; Speed, a Short Term Solution 
  

• Baby Boomer Party Emergency Vehicle
  

• Vaginal dryness; Non-stick vibrators
  

• Cognitive impairment-join Mensa
  

• Senior Exercise Motivation; Voyuerism
  

Senior Fatique

Tired of Being Tired

Speed:

a Short Term Solution

Senior Miracle Drugs

Amphetamines

Senior Fatigue

The Cynical Senior's solution for Senior fatigue is, as always straightforward-speed- amphetamines-pep pills. Remember the sixties (if you did speed probably not), your facing finals or a serious road trip and your dead in the water? A little chemical help kicked the system into high gear and stuff got done.

Read what Wikipedia has to say about an old favorite, Dexedrine, an amphetamine that's been around for over 100 years:

“Dextroamphetamine is a psycho-stimulant which produces increased wakefulness, energy and self-confidence in association with decreased fatigue and appetite......aids a persons learning and memory of words, and perhaps makes the brain stronger.”

Let me repeat, “produces"

• increased wakefulness, energy and
  

• self-confidence in association with
  

• decreased fatigue and appetite.....
  

• aids a persons learning and memory of words, and
  

• perhaps makes the brain stronger.
  

WOW, that pretty much covers not only fatigue but the rest of senior mental problems as well. An added bonus is an increase in sex drive and speed is an easy way to get that heart rate up without having to deal with exercise. Is this a senior performance enhancing drug or what?

Brain enhancing drugs are currently the subject of lively debate concerning both their effectiveness (not much doubt) and ethics. The newer stimulant drugs of choice are often prescribed for adult ADHD and narcolepsy (excessive daytime sleepiness). They include

• ·Adderall (72% Dextroamphetamine)
  

• ·Ritalin (methylphenidate) and
  

• ·Provigil (modafinil: a newer type drug which promotes wakefulness).
  

Nature, the prestigious science magazine, recently (12/20/2007) sparked a firestorm with a piece, the "A Professor's Little Helper," concerning the use of cognitive-enhancing drugs among academics. Among the posted correspondence is a piece by a 74-year-old PhD on the numerous benefits of Provigil (modafinil) for a grandfather. He comments on his increased attention and focus on projects, including teaching his grandchildren, but also on the ability to stay awake and enjoy a three-day cross-country drive.

Prescription stimulants may not be ideal everyday use, but may be perfect for staying alert on Bingo Nights, visits with the kids and grandkids and to get an edge on the back nine during those long afternoons on the golf course. Nobody, particularly seniors, likes to be seen nodding off in front of family and friends or between golf shots-folks might think you're getting old. Who would suspect an aging baby boomer of doing speed?

Most of these performance-enhancing drugs are off patent, cheap and covered by Medicare.

Of course, amphetamines are notoriously addictive, are likely to exacerbate any preexisting heart problems, cause some new ones and the list of side effects is quite impressive, but hey, it's not a

bad way to go. At least you will be wide-awake and cognitively enhanced for, in the words of Redd Foxx on Sanford and Son, “The Big One.”

That’s the good news! Now for the bad news-the side effects include:

• ·Excessive sweating
  

• ·Loss of appetite, insomnia, tremor, jaw-clenching (Bruxism)
  

• ·Formication (sensation of flesh crawling with bugs, with possible associated compulsive picking and infecting sores)
  

• ·Rapid tooth decay ("meth mouth")
  

• ·Agitation, compulsive fascination with repetitive tasks (Punding)
  

• ·Talkativeness, irritability, panic attacks
  

• ·Addiction and drug craving
  

• ·Weight loss
  

• ·Withdrawal-related depression and anhedonia
  

• ·Amphetamine psychosis
  

• ·Dopamine receptor downregulation and hypersensitization
  

• ·Brain damage/ Meningitis (Neurotoxicity)
  

• ·Paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, which may trigger a tension headache
  

• ·Rhabdomyolysis (Muscle breakdown) which leads to Kidney failure.
  

Some rough stuff, formication doesn’t sound like a good time